Dumb Ass Drivers are Trying to Kill Me!

I ride a bike. I am not a criminal. I'm not doing anything illegal. I'm actually pretty conscientious about how I ride. I stay right in the road, I slow down for stop signs (and stop if there are any cars coming the other way), I would never hang onto a car, I don't creep up past cars at lights, etc. Yet almost every time I ride my bike outside, I am subject to abuse from a stupid car driver.

Today the abuser was a 60ish woman in a blue jaguar. I felt the car behind me as I road along. For the record I was going 20 mph and the speed limit was 25. There was plenty of room to pass and no oncoming traffic so I figured the person behind me was just being tentative and extra cautious. As I turned onto a narrow road, this car then pulls up next to me as though she's going to run me off the road. The driver, a blonde, extremely well coiffed lady wearing over-sized sunglasses, starts yelling at me "Why aren't you riding on the god damn sidewalk!??!"

I'd like to say that I'm cool and collected in these situations, but I never am. There is nothing like the adrenaline of almost being killed AND having an idiot yell at you, to encourage your baser instincts to take over.

"I am allowed to be here", I start off well enough. But then quickly spiral, "why aren't you on the f@CKing highway b!tch?" I know. Classy.

She sped away. I'm sure she feels no better about cyclists. I certainly feel no better about drivers. It just feels like I'm playing the lottery waiting for the day when some angry or distracted idiot kills me.

Speaking of a distracted idiot...

http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/phillipsburg/index.ssf/2010/09/phillipsburg_criterium_riders.html

Apparently the driver was talking on her cell phone, went around police barriers, ignored people on the street trying to stop her, and plowed into two women who were participating in a sanctioned event. The driver got a fine. She should be in jail and never allowed to drive again.

Why Not Build a Mosque?

Ever since the story about the plans to build a mosque near the former World Trade Center broke, I have had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I completely agree with President Obama's first comments on the mosque:

"This is America, and our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakable. The principle that people of all faiths are welcome in this country, and will not be treated differently by their government, is essential to who we are.”

And I don't agree with Newt Gingrich who compares Muslims to Nazis and claims that building a mosque near Ground Zero is like "putting a Nazi swastika next to the Holocaust Museum". He clearly blames all Muslims for the actions of a few. For the record that is racism Mr. Gingrich.

But something about building a mosque in that immediate area does make me uncomfortable. I don't think it's against the law. I do think people have a right to religious freedom. I understand that they got a good deal on the real estate. The best analogy I can think of is the following:

It's like wearing a red dress to a funeral.

It's not illegal, but it shows a lack of respect for the community. It might be a really nice dress that you got a good deal on, but it's inappropriate.

It's not up to us to tell someone she/he can't wear the red dress. But that person can't expect everyone to celebrate that decision and to simply overlook the obvious disrespect or lack of awareness that it entails.

That's my gut. Can't help it. Does that make me racist? Anti-religion? Anti-freedom? Maybe. But I think it just means I'm sensitive and while there are a lot of times when people need to stand up for their rights, there are also a lot of times when we have to respect the situation and simply not push our needs above those of the community.

Take This Job and Shove It!

I love this story about the flight attendant who after getting cursed out by a passenger and hit in the head, takes over the PA, curses out the whole plane, grabs beer, and escapes down the emergency slide.

Of course, I've run into a fair share of pissy flight attendants so it's possible he may be one of those, but from the sounds of it, the woman who stood up before the flight stopped, got her luggage out, hit him in the head, and cursed at him, deserves to be arrested as much as he did.

It's F*!kin Hot!

FU global warming naysayers!!!! The pigeons are eating ice cream in my backyard because it's so f'in hot!

Some dumb ass in my area was fined because she left her 14 year old dog in the car while she shopped in Costco. It's 95+ degrees! The dog died. She should have been arrested. These stories make me cry. Sometimes I hate people.

Sometimes I love them too though. Like when they care enough to take care of animals. Check out these pics on CNN of animals "eating icy treats". Though I'm not so sure about the monkey with the rope and chain around his neck. And really all these animals are in zoos which generally suck. But still...they're eating ice cream and stuff.

Sh!t I Should Have Said...

I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it.

-Lesley Boone

When I Was a Teenager...

This was the list I made when planning my life:

- Age 22-24: fabulous career
- Age 24: get married
- Age 24-26: spend 2 years traveling the world with husband and spending "quality time" before getting pregnant
- Age 27: baby #1
- Age 28: baby #2
- Age 29: baby #3
- Age 30: fabulous career, marriage, and 3 kids

I didn't bother planning for what would happen after age 30. Needless to say, it hasn't quite worked out that way. Fortunately, my perspective on age has changed. Unfortunately biology hasn't.

Why Women Aren't as Interested in Sex as Men

It's true. We're just not as into sex as guys. I'm sure there are some women out there who will disagree - perhaps a few porn stars or others who make their livings pretending that they want sex all the time.

For most of us (at least in my unscientific polling of female friends), we like it well enough, but it's just not a priority.

Why?

Well here's my theory (I'm famous for these) ... women aren't as into sex because we're worried about getting pregnant. Duh!

From the time we're kids we're told that if we get pregnant our lives will be ruined. We like to think that we are liberated and in control but the fact is that even if we're using the pill, condoms, and tracking our fertile days, there's always a chance.

Imagine if someone told you that you could have a delicious piece of chocolate cake (had to work cake into this somehow), but that there was a reasonable chance that every time you ate that cake, you would get sick, get fat (interestingly applies to cake AND sex), let down your family and possibly be disowned by them, ruin your career and future ability to work, stop doing most of the activities that you love, and have unbelievable amounts of stress in your life?

It doesn't matter how good that cake is, it just doesn't sound all that appealing anymore now does it?

Even when you stop worrying that it will be the end of your world (like after you've gotten married and your partner is cool with it and won't leave you a single mommy scraping by on welfare checks and half your friends have kids so you won't be a total social outcast), it's hard to get excited about that cake. Those fears still linger.

In case you think I'm overstating women's fears about getting pregnant, look at my friend Mandy* who had a blood clot from using birth control pills and still uses them because she'd "rather have a stroke than get pregnant".

How sad is that?

The point is, we spend our whole lives being freaked out about getting pregnant. It's hard to enjoy something that has the potential to cause a lot of chaos. And yes, it causes chaos for men too, but I would venture to say it's a lot less.

After all, a lot of us would still eat the cake even if it might cause us a headache...or a funny rash.


* Mandy I changed your name, but you know who you are and I still think this is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard!